final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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