I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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