Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
