Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She even gives head with a lisp.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
