he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
