I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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