I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
