That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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