Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
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Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
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In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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