So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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