I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
