I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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