you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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