OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
