Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
