you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
