I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
