Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
