I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
