I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
