i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did we literally take a cab across the street
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
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It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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