I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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