Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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