so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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