the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
