So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
