i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
