Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I think I won the penis lottery.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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