Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't deserve a penis
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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