Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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