So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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