I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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