Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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