The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
