the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
