an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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