So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
