Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
