You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
