I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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