Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
