I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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