Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
