it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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