toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
