So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
