Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
