I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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