why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
