Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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