Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Randomize
