I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
