you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
