just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
