Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
