Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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