Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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