I'm really into asian looking animals
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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