Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
