I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
