so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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