And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
