is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
