I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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