you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
