walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
