What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
