wrigley field is MILF paradise
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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