walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
