please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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