I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
