can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
