God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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