The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm both gender and math confused
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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